The Love that Killed

Author's Note: Towards the end of the novel Jekyll and Hyde, we are hit hard by the theme of responsibility and how we as humans consequently feel enslaved by our personal responsibility to the people we know and care about. A friend of Jekyll's, Dr. Lanyon, experiences this moral tug when he receives a letter from Jekyll crying out for his help in a dangerous situation. Parts of the letter read, "these arrangements are of capital importance; and that by the neglect of one of them...you might have charged your conscience with my death or the shipwreck of my reason...and if that night passes without event, you will know that you have seen the last of Henry Jekyll" (95-96).

"I've never confided in anyone about this. You can't repeat it to anybody. I am only telling you because I trust you with everything I have. I love you."

My mind battled back and forth. I had always learned not to keep secrets if it meant someone was in trouble, but I loved him too and I didn't want to lose his trust. I didn't want him to love me any less and if he found out that I had come clean about this secret, I would be sure to lose him. But then again, what if he actually did something dangerous? What would I do without him? If he was gone, my heart would feel completely empty. The forces argued in my head. He was the most important guy in my life, I couldn't let him down. I had to keep this secret. He would hate me if I told anyone, and I could not let that happen.

And so I kept this burden on my shoulders, I talked him through his struggles and all was well.....

....Until I got a call two weeks later. It was his sobbing mother on the other end. My hands began to sweat and my heart skipped a beat. I already knew what tragic news would be coming through the phone line any second. Tears began to form in my eyes as I heard her utter the words, "We found a suicide letter on his bed last night. It apologized for all the pain he had ever caused us and said the we are better off without him." I could hear the pain in her voice. "We got a call soon thereafter from the police saying they found his dead body in the lake later that night. He had drowned himself." Her voice trailed off as she managed to choke out the rest of the story.

And for the rest of my life, I would have to live knowing that I could have done something to prevent this tragedy. Every day it will haunt me, taunt me; for my personal and social responsibility to him created a barricade, and caused me to lose sight of the bigger picture. I didn't want to let him down, but I ended up letting him down in the biggest way possible. I could have saved his life, but instead...my love killed.